Before I moved to Japan, I did a lot of research on the city, the people, the food, and all the little societal norms that make Japan so unique. Through all the “Before you go to Japan, you should know this” videos and articles, one common theme stood out: people constantly warning others how lonely Japan can be.
Growing up as an only child, I’ve always been comfortable spending time by myself. An introverted kid turned introverted adult gets pretty used to doing things alone. I’ve never felt uneasy about going to the movies or eating out by myself. In fact, I actually love it! When life feels overwhelming or overstimulating, doing those little solo activities helps me recharge.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve tested as an INFJ. But interestingly, when I retook the personality test recently, it came back as ENFJ. And honestly, I wasn’t even surprised. The version of me that moved to Japan is different. I am more open, more curious, and more willing to step into new experiences. I think living here has pulled that extroverted side of me forward.
Still, I’ve always known the difference between being introverted and being anti-social. I enjoy solitude, but I also deeply value connection.
So when I came to Japan, I knew I’d have to put myself out there more than ever before. That meant doing things that don’t come naturally to most introverts: reaching out first, making plans, texting new people, and meeting strangers from language exchange apps. I didn’t have my family or friends from home with me, so if I wanted to feel connected, I’d have to create those opportunities myself.
And honestly? I did.
In just one month, I’ve met so many amazing and interesting people, from my university, from Tokyo, and from language exchange programs. You might be wondering how especially since I don’t speak Japanese (yet!). The truth is, there are so many Japanese people who want to learn English. You just have to put yourself in environments that align with what you’re looking for.
I joined multiple language exchange programs. I became a “yes” person, saying yes to plans, to invites, to chances that felt a little scary but exciting. And that’s where the magic happened.
Right now, I have six language exchange partners just from my school. I’ve also met some incredible people in my master’s program – smart, kind, inspiring souls who motivate me every day. On top of that, I’ve met even more people through the app HelloTalk, connecting with those who want to learn English while I practice Japanese. It’s a win-win.
There really are people out there waiting for you, but they can’t find you if you never step outside your comfort zone. Not every friendship will last forever, and that’s okay. Life isn’t about keeping everyone; it’s about meeting the right ones for each chapter.
If I hadn’t pushed myself to reach out, to say yes, to show up even when it felt awkward or uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have had half the experiences I’ve already had in this short time.
So to anyone thinking about moving to Tokyo, or anywhere new, and worrying about being lonely:
Don’t let fear write your story. Loneliness doesn’t come
from the city; it comes from staying hidden.
Be brave enough to show up, even if your Japanese isn’t perfect, even if you’re shy, even if you’re scared.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly the world opens up to meet you halfway 🌸
