Hello, it’s been a minute. I just had breakfast and everything feels amazing as ever—but I wanted to take a moment to talk things out. I’ve been thinking about where I’m at mentally right now, and I realized I haven’t really wrote about it. So here we go.
I’m in this middle space right now. Not quite in my old chapter, but not fully in my new one either. I don’t like to call it “old life” versus “new life” because it’s all part of my life. It’s one continuous story. But right now, it feels like I’m still wrapping up the last chapter of the book, and I haven’t quite turned the page yet.
Growing up, life was always so structured. You finish fifth grade and boom you’re in sixth grade. It’s all laid out for you with not a lot of lingering in between. Even when I graduated college, that space before getting a job was probably the longest “in-between” I’d had up until then. I didn’t fully understand what it was at the time. I was just chugging along, thinking, “I need a job, I need a job”. And I did appreciate that time, but if I had it now—with the perspective I have—I think I would’ve given it a whole other level of appreciation.
That’s kind of where I’m at now. I am grateful for this moment. I know my life will never be exactly like this again, and I’m okay with that. I’ve applied to Rikkyo University, and I have about four until I find out if I make it to the next stage. It’s not that long in the grand scheme of things, but it feels long. I’m trying not to sit at the edge of my seat, but if I’m honest, I kind of am.
Still, I’m proud of how I’ve been handling it. Because the thing is, I still have to go to this job every day—this job I don’t like. It’s 40 hours a week of being immersed in something that doesn’t light me up. And that can be mentally exhausting. I’ve been trying not to fall into the trap of living on autopilot, just going through the motions. I want to experience this moment for what it is. I’ll never be in this exact chapter again.
If I had to name this chapter, I’d say it’s the chapter of one foot in the door of Rikkyo University, and the other still rooted in my current situation—23, living with my parents, unable to afford my own place, going to a job I don’t want a career in. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real. And it’s new in its own way.
I’ve technically been in this “in-between” for about eight months now—since August, when my dream of Japan started to feel real. That’s a long time to hold a vision without knowing exactly when it’s going to arrive. And I think I’ve been really patient. But lately, I’ve been reminding myself that I don’t have to be. Because things in life can change in a split second.
We’ve been taught that we have to grind and push and suffer for the good things. But I don’t believe that’s the full truth anymore. What you believe becomes your reality. If you believe success only comes through struggle, then you’ll have to struggle. But if you understand that the universe doesn’t operate under those limits, you realize your life can flip in the blink of an eye.
So for now, I’m staying here—in the middle space—with appreciation. I’m choosing not to obsess over the next chapter or dwell on the one I’m still leaving behind. I think this time is about self-care, about curiosity, about exploring who I am when things are still uncertain.
That’s all I have to say today about being in the in-between. Thanks for being here with me.
